George Bush , has called Sam Raimi , the director of the cult series Evil Dead , and the two Spiderman installments. Raim i was apprehensive about listening to Dubya’s pearls of wisdom, but then he had no choice, or else he could be shipped to Guantanamo Bay under the Internal Security Act.
GB: Raimi , I heard that you are planning to direct the 3rd installment in Spiderman series.
Raimi: Yes sir, and like most of the Spiderman series, this would have Spidey battling a villain, and Mary Jane , with some special effects.
GB: Hey Raimi , I kinda heard of this Bollywood thingy. It seems they are the flavor of the season, and make colorful stuff, so we have decided to outsource the movie making stuff to them. We are anyway outsourcing jobs, call centers to India, so why don’t we also outsource Hollywood to Bollywood.
Raimi : Well sir, that should not be a bad idea, though I don’t have much clue of Bollywood.
GB : No probs Raimi , we have invited some of their best directors, like Karan Johar, Kunal Kohli, Rakesh Roshan, T.L.V.Prasad , Vinod Chopra to give you tips.
Kunal Kohli: Hey Sam, this is Kunal , so how do you plan to open your movie.
Raimi : Well like most of my earlier movies, this would involve Spidey coming to the rescue of a bystander.
KK : Hey come on man, be creative, always super heroes coming and fighting, Super heroes should not just fight, they should be romantic too. So we will open with a sequence of Peter Parker and Mary Jane , sitting on a web, staring into the sky, and Peter singing “ Neela Asman so gaya”.
Raimi : Duh, what, you mean you want to show Peter singing?
KK: Oh, I forgot, you American guys don’t like it right. Fine then we can show Peter Parker and Mary Jane smooching on the web, with some nice music, oh so romantic.
Karan Johar : Hey come on just one heroine. See how expertly I have woven love triangles in my masterpieces like KANK and KKHH . So we will have a love triangle between Spidey, Mary Jane and Gwen Stacy. But wait Gwen Stacy’s colleague Eddie Brock also loves her, so that will make it another triangle, and what about Spidey’s friend turned enemy Harry Osborne , so we can have a love triangle between Osborne, Spidey and Mary Jane .
Kunal Kohli: Ok so it is like Spidey loves Mary Jane who loves Harry Osborne , while Spidey in turn is loved by Gwen Stacy who in turn is loved by her colleague Eddie Brock . And come on to make it more interesting, we can make Spidey getting Mary Jane jealous, by having a dance with Gwen Stacy. Too bad we cant add in songs and item numbers.
Rakesh Roshan : Hey guys now stop it will you, every time talking only of romance, love triangles, and love stories. Spiderman cant just keep on going in triangles and coochie cooing with Mary Jane. I created India’s first super hero Krish , and I created super villains too. I had the inspiration for ET and Forest Gump long time back, too bad those movies were released before Koi Mil Gaya .
TLV Prasad : Rakesh ji, app kya super hero banaya. Asli super hero to Mithun hai. Aur mere movies mein Mithun ji hamesha 5 villians se ladthe hai. So lets have 3 villains in this movie. One will be that Harry Osborne,aka Goblin , and since there is a love triangle between Spidey, Gwen and Eddie a.k.a Venom, we will make him next villain, and of course we will add a new villain Sandman . Ek hero, teen villain.
Vinod Chopra: Hero, villain, heroines, damn, you guys always think in same terms. Anyway I compare myself with Hollywood. Now why should the hero always fight a villain, why cant a super hero fight with himself. So in this case we will make Spiderman have a bad side, so it will be good spidey vs bad spidey. And since I am promoting Gandhigiri, we will make Goblin become Spidey’s friend in the end, and Sandman apologize to Spidey saying “Mujhe maaf karo” in true Hindi movie style.
Sam Raimi : Hmm guys I have a question, am I still the director of this movie. Can I at least have the special effects and action sequences for myself?